Over the last two/three weeks I’ve been becoming increasingly impatient with people around me.
Friends. Family. Work colleagues. The world.
My therapist made an observation that I “never say no”.
She pointed out that I want to “be there for everyone without necessarily taking care of myself” and I must admit, it struck a nerve.
Is it bad that I want to be that shoulder people can rely on?
If I’m not there for someone, won’t karma come and bite me on the arse?
Naturally, I’ve ignored her advise and I’ve continued to listen and offer advise despite not knowing what the actual fuck to do with my own thoughts.
My boyfriend has been going through a lot at the moment. His dad had surgery today; in fact, as I type this, I’m on the train on the way to the hospital.
Don’t get me wrong, I want to visit. I’m just also very aware that I have to be at work for 8:30 tomorrow and it’ll take me at least 2 hours to get back home.
What’s upset me is that not once has my boyfriend asked me how I’m feeling this week, last week or week before. I mean, I understand he’s been preoccupied but…this isn’t just something that’s happened recently and I’m more aware of it.
My patience is running thin as more and more people lean on me without offering a hand.
I don’t expect it but it would be nice if those close to me said “hey, all alright?”
As it stands, I feel I get more love from Twitter.
I realise I’m ranting…forgive me. I’m just exhausted by it all.
Last night, I woke up every 40 minutes as I was convinced there was a man out to get me…he was sitting in the corner of my room. To be clear, there was no man. Rather my clothes drying on the line. Bleurgh.
My brain is certainly testing the limit at the moment and I feel it’s slowly and surely crossed the line.
But hey, here we go. Tonight, I’ll be there for those around me and pretend I’m okay. The smile is on…even put some lippy on.
Wish me luck.