Recovery begins. Therapy Day 1

Sitting in a circle to a six year normally meant a game of pass-the-parcel. 

A birthday party would be incomplete without it. 

Sitting in a circle to a 15 year old meant movie time in class…or prayer (depending on your school). 

I’m 29 years old and yesterday, I sat in my first circle. 

Not to play a game but to talk about my problems. 

Therapy. 

A funny old word. 

I won’t lie, I’ve never been to group therapy and up until yesterday, I thought they were like the movies. 

Hi, my name is X and I suffer from PTSD, anxiety disorder and depression. I’ve attended CBT and I’m on anti-depressants. 

When actually, what I really want to say is…

Hi, I’m 29, I love reading and I work in communications. I’m pretty good at my job and in 5 years have had three promotions. I like holidays and I’m an ambassador for a children’s charity based in Ghana. 

Of course, no one really cares. 

They want to know how you made it out of bed this morning. 

They want to know your side affects to the medication. 

Are you feeling anxious today?

What do you think about happiness? 

I stayed mute for approximately 90% of the session. 

I didn’t want to say the wrong thing – what if they judged me? What if my response upset them or made it worse? 

An hour and a half. That’s how long I sat there, wondering why my brain just can’t get its shit together?

Over the last few days, I’ve felt a rage and anger like no other and I’m not quite sure why. 

I’m exhausted. Literally. 

I wake up, make the bed and I’m shattered.  

I’m angry at myself for having certain chemicals in my brain that won’t allow me to live a calm and peaceful life. 

I left therapy feeling slightly weaker in myself which, I’m sure is the opposite to how I should be feeling. 

During the week, I put on a “front” which I’m sure a lot of us do.

I go to work, I laugh at the mediocre jokes and I act completely normal. It’s draining, but I carry on – I need to pay rent after all. 

You don’t have to be like that at therapy. It’s the one place you can cry, scream and tell people you’re anxious and feeling nauseous without any judgment. 

My brain is swimming in information, other people’s stories and feelings & I’m not too sure how I feel about it all. 

I went to bed with a headache and woke up this morning with all these questions niggling at me. 

Has anyone else had group therapy before or are you having it now? 

It’ll be good to know how you found the first session?

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