So…today hasn’t been the best start to the week.
It started with, you guessed it, a spoonful of sugar, medicine and anxiety.
Over the last few days my mind has been riddled with anxiety. You know, the usual…
- Will I lose my job because I’m going to therapy?
- How am I going to make up all the time missed because of therapy?
- I missed my deadline by 37 minutes, that’s it, I’m going to lose my job
- Manager’s in a shit mood today. Fucking fucking shitty hell, what have I done?
- I didn’t iron out that crease in the bed – cleaner’s going to think I’m a right tramp
- The washing won’t be dry in time, holy mother of Rich Tea, what can I wear?
- Does this make sense? What if the readers think this doesn’t make sense? Will they get it?
…and the rest.
Fact of the matter is, I kept myself up all night thinking about certain conversations I’m going to have to have with work to the point that I was throwing up with nerves.
So much so that I took the day off.
And so, the cycle begins…
- They’re going to be super annoyed that I’m not at work again today
- Check your emails so they see you’re trying
- Wait, what if you checking your emails annoys them as you should be in bed?
- OMG I’m going to lose my job!
- How am I going to pay my rent?
- If I ever need a reference, I am S C R E W E D
- Reference? Ha, babe…no one’s going to take you
Of course, none of the above is true but that doesn’t stop my brain from going 100-miles-per-hour.
Fact of the matter is, living with anxiety is possibly one of the worst things I have ever encountered.
For me, it’s a mix between a migraine and heartburn with a sprinkle (bucket) of sweat for added measure.
A few years ago, I attended CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) and today especially, I’ve tried to remind myself of all the things I learned.
- The breathing exercises
- Hypothetical vs. reality
- Writing down my mood in numbers (6 was bad in my session…I always thought it was lucky)
Of course, these are always easier said than done and sometimes, curling up in bed with a bucket next to you is the easiest option.
BUT, I did something great today.
I made the bed AND made a light lunch.
That’s right…I MADE IT OUT OF BED!
Sometimes, it’s easy to dwell on the negatives and the ‘fuck, I didn’t do this or that’ but when you make it out of bed you are a WINNER!
So, tomorrow I will once again make it out of bed, make the bed and aim to make it into work.
I will wear my “I’m okay” face and I’ll laugh when the jokes are made because I made it out bed.
Now THAT’S #MondayMotivation.